15 weeks pregnant!
***Clarification: We aren’t finding out the gender this time around, so this is all a big IF! ***
I realized the other day that if this baby is a girl, I’m going to have to teach her how to actually BE a girl. I believe that this was one of the most terrifying thoughts I have possibly ever had, excepting for that time long ago when I had convinced myself that there were stingrays living in my carpet- just waiting for me to step on them so they could attack my ankles.
(Hey, those things are SCARY. They totally took out the Crocodile Hunter! The CROCODILE HUNTER!!)
I think I am probably one of the most unqualified women in the world for the task of raising a young girl, seeing as how I hate to cook and am total crap at cleaning and laundry and grocery shopping… You know, all that ‘happy in the home’ stuff. I do the stuff, when it becomes absolutely essential to our survival that I do them, but even then I do it with more of a ‘grumbly in the home’ kind of attitude.
The thing with having boys is, it’s easier for me. I teach them how to honor and respect people and work hard, and then I can send them off to wrestle with something or roll in some mud for awhile. Easy breezy lemon squeezy! (tongue planted firmly in cheek, of course.)
I feel like having a baby girl would be like giving birth to a full-length mirror. It would force me to look at myself in a way I have been too terrified to do. It would force me to really SEE the things deep down in me that need to change. It would be… intimidating. Daunting. Petrifying.
But I also know that, as with anything worth experiencing in this life, the deepest pools of joy and freedom are hidden behind our highest walls. Raising a girl would be one of the most challenging experiences of my life, I know that for a fact. I’ve spent my whole LIFE building Mt. Everests between my heart and my femininity. (I think there’s some part of me that associates that word with deficiency.)
Raising a little mini-me would cause me to need God in ways that I have never needed Him before.
And that right there, I think, would be the greatest gift that she could ever give me.