In the Dark.

Thank you all for your much needed encouragement and for letting me know I’m not crazy for feeling so bummed about the ultrasound.

I AM REEEAAALLLY BUMMED.

I can’t go to any of those other ultrasound places because you are required to have already had an ultrasound with your physician before any of those places will even see you. Some liability issue I think. This is how they word it:

“A routine ultrasound examination must have already been performed to assess the gestational age of the fetus and to evaluate for fetal anomalies as well as the basic components of fetal anatomy recommended for screening.”

I have yet to receive a SINGLE ultrasound with this pregnancy so far, and I think that’s part of the reason I am feeling so frustrated and uneasy about everything. I have NO idea what’s going on inside of me and I’m over 5 MONTHS into this. I know that ultrasounds are not necessary, that women were having perfectly healthy babies long before the technology came along, but I have just felt so “in the dark” for this entire pregnancy. I don’t feel like I’m being taken care of well. My appointments keep getting bumped and rescheduled, and it makes a girl feel like they don’t have time for her, you know? If they didn’t have time for me, I’d rather they had told me that UP FRONT so that I could have found a facility that DID have the time.

Maybe this is all happening because I’m on the state’s insurance. Maybe I’m considered the ‘bottom of the food chain’ because I couldn’t pay for a birth out of pocket and the insurance options for self-employed people desiring to getting pregnant were nothing short of LAUGHABLE. (I pay YOU more than you’ll pay out for ME? Thanks, but NO THANKS.) Maybe I’m not getting treated as well as others are.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like the medical center doesn’t even care or understand how hard this is. There’s been no compassion or attempting to make things better.

My only hope is to call the place everyday to see if they’ve had any cancellations. They can’t/won’t refer me out to any other facility besides their own. They said they don’t have a ‘waiting list’… that I have to keep ASKING THEM over and over again if they have space for me sooner. That feels a whole lot like begging to me. But I’ll do it. I’ll beg their ears off. Because it’s the only thing I CAN do at this point.

Blech. Blechity-Blech.

I need some ice cream.

13 thoughts on “In the Dark.

  1. i’m so sorry! that is super lame. i know the feeling of being the one who pays more of the bill! its so frustrating that i pay 90 a month towards insurance that doesnt pay for the only thing i’ve needed it to even pay for in oh lets see like 10 years!!! ridiculous. i wish i could come over and eat ice cream with you. or donuts…. k now i’m just thinking of all the sweet things i wanna eat…

  2. dang liability issues. i guess that makes sense. blah, blah, blah. i’m so sorry you’re going through this. i think i’m going to copy/paste your blog and send it to them to say “see what you’re doing to this woman?? what are you thinking?? what is wrong with you people?”. i’m not very good at sticking up for myself when i feel like i’m getting run over or neglected by something as huge as this. sometimes i wish i was an attorney or some big-wig with a big-wig-voice who you know they would drop everything for because they shiver in his presence… dangit. anyways, on an optimistic note- maybe God knows that your little one is facing the wrong direction right now and knows she needs a good 3 weeks to scoot around to a better angle and He just wants you to get the BEST ultrasound experience ever since its obvious they’re not letting you get one so easily? and now i’m just pulling at straws, but is there a radiology school nearby where ultrasound techs are being trained? i’m an RN who works in radiology occasionally, so this is why my brain is turning like this. maybe they need volunteers to show them their pregnant bellies? am i crazy?hang in there emery! :-) you are absolutely amazing and i think someone is just trying to rain on your parade right now. and yes, go eat some ice cream. stat.

  3. I found out what I was having at 15 weeks gestation, at one of those “for fun” 4D ultrasound places. If that is what you are referring to, the place I went to also requires that you have already had a Dr. ordered diagnostic ultrasound, BUT, they did not need proof of this. Just the date of the ultrasound on the peice of paper I filled out at the place I went. So maybe they don’t need proof, and you can go have a “for fun gender determination ultrasound” ??? Good luck!

  4. Oh EmJo! I’m so sorry that you’re having to deal with this. You have every right to feel upset. I feel bad that you feel like you’re not being taken care of., I can’t imagine how frustrating that must be. It’s a BIG DEAL to be pregnant, and finding out the sex of the baby is that sort of “half way milestone” that gets you through the last four months. I hope they’re able to sneak you in sooner. I’ll send some positive vibes toward OK for you.

  5. That really is beyond frustrating. I would feel the same way. I hope that they have a cancelation so you are able to get in soon.

  6. That blows Em, I’m so sorry. Nothing like having your relaxation high trumped by dumb reality. Especially dumb reality crap like health care and doctors and blah blah blah. I’ll pray it’ll work out…but just a thought….not finding it out is pretty really fun too….=)

  7. This is my first time commenting, but I’ve been visiting your blog regularly since I found out I was pregnant with my first a few weeks ago. I love your heart and your perspective. I find it comforting and encouraging. Thank you for that. But that’s besides the point because this situation makes me so mad. I wish I could give you my next appointment, but it wouldn’t do you much good because am in Portland. Anyway, I am so sorry that this is how they are treating you. I think it’s wrong and wish there was some real help I could offer. The most I can offer is the knowledge that some random girl in Oregon is praying for you.-Mallory

  8. Oh that just sucks. I hope that the poor treatment and bumping or apts. isn’t due to your state status…I can only speak to Wisconsin and Washington state where the state paid for two babies for me and I got really great service for the most part. It wasn’t my ideal set up but because we couldn’t afford to pay for it I wasn’t complaining. I was certainly never rescheduled time and time again…maybe it is just this clinic? Hopefully they will have an opening before 3 weeks but if not I have heard that eating icecream and watching lots of netflix makes the time pass by quicker :)

  9. Being on the very same insurance that you are, I understand the feeling. I was bumped a lot last time. But not this time and I am not sure why. However when I took my 10yo in they had messed up the insurance and we had to pay the doc visit up front. Frustrating!!I know how you feel about being a little antsy. This pregnancy has really thrown me for a loop. In terms of being a little worried.I will keep praying for you. But trust me in that changing doctors doesn’t make it better. THe kids have been on the state’s ins. and I finally changed because of problems and it was exactly the same. I also had a different doc with the first (on private ins.) and things like this happened. I think that most docs these days just get way overloaded. And lose compassion and all the other things that they are supose to be. I hope things clear up soon for you.

  10. it’s never to late to switch if you’re not feeling comfortable. i switched doctors when i was 7 months pregnant because i didn’t feel comfortable that my doctor would honor my choices and i was so glad i did. it was HARD at first (darn those pregnancy hormones) because i couldn’t find a doctor who would take me but it all worked out.i can’t wait for the US to have universal health care! hopefully it will make it so things like this don’t happen to sweet people like you. hang in there…

  11. I am so sorry, you better eat that ice cream, it will make you feel a little bit better. I wish you lived in Tulsa, my doctor is the best. He does an ultrasound the first two visits and will do one for $75 around 20 weeks right before or after your official ultrasound at the imaging center. I am not sure about where you go, you might look into switching if at all possible, sometimes a different doctor is the best thing for you. Hope everthing works out for you.

  12. hi emery. i am praying that your ultrasound goes well, that the new addition is growing healthy and strong and right on track.i tagged you for a blog thing. i hope that you can participate. check out my blog for the details.

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