I had my very first baby appointment this morning and it was… somewhat anticlimactic. After waiting nearly 13 weeks to have the appointment, there was very little to come away with.
The facilities were super nice and the nurse was great. The midwife was not at all friendly or personable, so I will not be seeing her again. I’ve switched to a different midwife in the practice for my prenatal care- one that came highly recommended from some friends.
She asked me a million questions today and then did all the lovely exams that we women dread. Without any warning, she pulled out the Doppler and started trying to find the baby’s heartbeat. After a couple minutes, she found it- the room filled with the swishing of life as Chris and I looked at each other and smiled from ear to ear. The midwife didn’t say one single word, turned the machine off, and went on to the next round of questions.
I had to go downstairs and get blood work done, and my arm is still throbbing hours later. I hate getting blood taken! It always hurts me so much. I feel poked and prodded. And queasy and tired.
So, no ultrasounds to share and no news to report. I could only hear one heartbeat, but she didn’t take much time to listen, and they say it’s very hard to tell if there’s more than one babe just by listening. But I’m about 99% convinced there’s only one in there at this point. There’s just got to be one.
I’m feeling a little bit disappointed…. I don’t really know what I was expecting. I think the blah midwife took the wind out of my sails, and I’m wondering if we’ve made the right decision by choosing to go with the midwives at OU. I’m still having trouble with the insurance after making TWO trips down to the office to get things figured out, and things just aren’t going as smoothly as I would have liked them to go.
I’m realizing more and more what excellent care I had in California. That state has their act together apparently. Are my standards just too high from my experience there? Maybe. Maybe I’m just expecting too much and need to let go of “my ideal” a little.
All in all, I know everything is fine, and everything will turn out just fine. I’m just feeling a little down, and three months of feeling awful just seem to compound these disappointments. I’m SO ready to feel like myself again… to not feel like I’m letting everyone around me down. This pregnancy has been much harder on me than my first so far, but I’m trying to keep my spirits up and not complain too much. I guess I’m just… tired.
It’s hard to be your old self when you just don’t feel like her.