I had a trampoline in my back yard while I was growing up, and one evening Chris and I went out to jump on it together. We wanted to be outside, to be alone together under the sky. The air was quiet and cool, the moon was already bright in the sky even though the sun had just dipped below the mountains.
There is a certain electricity that builds between two people in love who have yet to kiss… Every time our eyes met, there was a smoldering question mark behind the glance. An invitation and a barrier at the same time. After three weeks, that moment we’d been searching for was suddenly ripe.
We were breathless from jumping and laughing in the night air, we plopped down next to each other and I leaned my head against his arm. In the classic, sappy movie fashion, I turned my face up towards his. He looked at me, leaned in a little closer, then paused. He lingered an inch or two from my lips. My heart started beating so fast I thought I might pass out. He looked at me, he smirked, and then he kissed me.
What else can I say? It was good. And respectfully brief. And my heart tumbled around in my chest and did back flips off my ribcage for hours afterwards. (Actually, I don’t think it has ever fully recovered from that moment.)
I was a goner for sure.
Things were more or less great for the next 6 months. Chris graduated from high school and went through a time where he was confused about his life and what he wanted to do with it. There were some hard things during that time- where he started to push me away and I didn’t know why. Where I felt like I loved him more than he loved me. A disconnect entered the picture, but I was so far over the moon for him that I didn’t see it or understand it right away.
When we talked about that time later, Chris was able to tell me that he was FREAKING OUT inside because he’d just, you know, graduated from high school, and he didn’t know how to deal so he just pushed everyone away (friends included) and wigged out for awhile on his own.
The problem was that things started progressing way too quickly, and before I knew it, things had gone way too far.
And I completely lost control.
**to be continued…**