Beat Up by a Four Year Old.

I went to the dentist this morning where they glued my three fake teeth into the back of my mouth and told me I would never eat a tootsie roll again. sob. After months (years?) of lame-arse-excuses-for-teeth hanging out back there in my gums, causing excruciating pain and draining our pockets of mounds and mounds of cold hard cash, I can finally say I’m done with it. Fake or no, it feels GREAT to have solid teeth back there again.

Since moving to Oklahoma: Five root canals. Three crowns. Surely possessing that many crowns gives me the right to claim royalty to something by now, no? “I am the queen of the dentist chair… the princess of costly grillz!” I’ve got bling coming out of my ears! You just wouldn’t know it because my bling ain’t all glitzy… it’s veneer. Oooh!

I had promised to take Ezra to the mall today, so I took him there after I got home from the dentist’s office. We played for awhile in the kiddie area and then went and ate some lunch. We built paper airplanes while we ate and pretended the fake plants were really wild and exotic jungles. (“LIONS and TIGERS and… here, honey- eat some more chicken for mommy, okay?”)

After we ate, we were standing in the food court waiting for a couple of moms and their kids and strollers to walk by us so that we could get to the garbage cans to throw our garbage away, when suddenly one of the kids whips out this toy and before I know what happened, I had gotten smacked in the face with something pretty hard. It felt like someone slapped me.

I flinched and maybe yelped, and one of the moms turned to me and said smilingly, “The things they give kids in their kid’s meals these days!”, and then kept walking by. I was still in shock and a little embarrassed, and I heard the other mom half-heartedly say “Jimmy! Don’t aim that thing at people!”

Apparently, I got bitch slapped by something like this:

A Chinese Paper Yo-Yo with some serious attitude. Whatever it was, it hurt my pride and my face.

Only I could manage to get regulated on by a child and his PAPER TOY at the mall.

ONLY. ME.

10 thoughts on “Beat Up by a Four Year Old.

  1. You may have been slapped, but thank God you’ve never been groped and then have smoothie spit on you. That’s the ultimate low.p.s. write me back on myspace or else I will doubt our loving friendship.

  2. Oh my goodness! A walk-by whacking!? That is soo something that would happen to ME!Why aren’t these parents watching where their kids whack?!

  3. seriously teeth are there not for chewing but punishment. i sympathize, 20-something years of painful trips to the dentist finally forced me into proper brushing and flossing.do you grind or clench your teeth? apparently i do, and even though i actually floss now, the dentist has found this as an excuse to lecture me. he asks pretty stupid questions like do i clench my teeth or breathe through my mouth in my sleep? ummm, i don’t know because i’m UNCONSCIOUS??? and if i do, what can i do about seeing as i am, urm, UNCONSCIOUS???

  4. My teeth are in pretty bad shape too and I have a feeling I’m going to have to have them extracted and fake ones put in. I didn’t know they could put fake ones in. Nice to know I won’t have holes in my mouth!

  5. um, am I the only one who would have wanted to smack the mom of the offensive kid with the toy?? um hello? NOT OKAY TO BEAT STRANGERS WITH TOYS.sheesh.just checking…

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