Couple of things.
First off, I am NEVER (EVER EVER) wearing flip flops to a grocery store ever again.
I had some shopping to do this morning, and after wrangling Ezra’s legs into the little holes in the basket seat, we set off for a lightning quick shopping run. About halfway through the list, after locating the marinated artichoke heart jars (which took me about 3 years to finally stumble upon), I grabbed the cart handle and started to push. That is when the ELECTRIC SHOCK TORTURE portion of my shopping trip began. Every time I touched the handle, I got a nasty shock. If I tried to hold on to the handle, I received a succession of shocks that jumped up and bit me every time I took a step.
I had heard my mom speak of this happening so badly that she couldn’t open the large wall refrigerator door to get her milk because the shocks were just that strong and painful. She said it happened to her whenever she wore flip flops in a grocery store.
If only I’d listened to my mother.
After a few isles of involuntary electro-shock therapy, I was reduced to pushing my cart a few steps with one finger, then switching to the other finger for the next few steps. Then, I thought if I picked up my feet more instead of shuffling along like I usually do, it might help the situation as well. I may have over-exaggerated a bit and been walking like a flamingo, all awkward and gangly-like, as if I were stepping over a beach ball every time I lifted my foot off the ground. Now, add to all of this the fact that I was quietly saying “Ow. Ow. Ow.” under my breath and shaking out my hands every second or two. Can you imagine walking by someone doing this in the grocery store and not dying of laughter?
I knew I looked ridiculous, but I did not care. I chose embarrassment over affliction. I chose respite over dignity. Can you blame me? I was getting TAZED to death by my lipstick red Target shopping cart! And nobody could save me!
To make matters EVEN WORSE, Ezra thought this was all quite silly as well, and started mimicking me by shouting “OW! OW! OWIE! OWIE!” as I clumsily pushed him along in the cart. Just what I needed– more reasons for the entire store to stop and stare as I walked by. I was laughing hysterically and practically in tears by the time I finally reached the checkout line, because it was all so incredibly funny and… well, PAINFUL.
Have any of you ever experienced this? Or is it just a genetic default that my mother and I share while wearing flip flops into grocery stores?
My house is full of those tiny little gnat bugs that buzz around your eyes all day long. They are slowly driving me to the brink of insanity and rapidly multiplying in number. I must at least look like a crazy person with my random twitching, swatting, and clapping in attempts to singlehandedly kill them all one-by-frickin-one. Anyone know of a (more effective) way to make them go away?
The Human Bug Zapper.