"Where Everybody Knows Your Name…"

his daddy’s lips.

Today was a day filled with root canals and rain and castles and spiderman and matchbox cars.

It was a jammie day. One of those days where I didn’t change him out of his old pajamas until this evening- only to put fresh, new pajamas on him and plop him into bed for the night.

Ezra and I lounged around all day and the only reason I got dressed at all is because I didn’t want to get my slippers soaked in the rain as I walked from my car into the dentist’s overly modern office this afternoon. This is my 5th root canal, and I’ve got three more pending. I’m so used to the process by now- the drill sounds, the burning smells, the little drifts of tooth dust that swirl in the light of the lamp hanging over my face…

I’ve spent so much time in their office that I am beginning to think I am more familiar with their computer system than they are. I helped them figure out a USB connection problem with their X-ray machine after sitting in the chair watching them scratch their heads over it for 15 minutes. They made sure to use the opportunity to remind me how funny it was that I could help them and that maybe it was because I’D SPENT HALF OF MY ADULT LIFE IN THEIR WAITING ROOM. The jovial guy that checked me out today finished the job with a quip about how it appeared they were “running out of teeth to work on” as he swiped my credit card and then reported that the total cost of the visit would be approximately one pound of flesh.

For a girl that has a hard time spending money on herself, this whole tooth fixin’ process has been tough in more ways than one. Every time I go to that office, I know that I can’t leave without shelling out some serious dough… dough that could otherwise be spent on laptops or mortgages or college funds. And this is the guilt that stops me from dialing the number to set up my next appointment, or open my mouth when my teeth are acting a little saucy. Chris is on to me, though, and is constantly reminding me to set up appointments and repeatedly admonishing me about the fact that infections in the head are, um, how does he say it?


Every headache or neck pain that I get causes my poor hubby to worry that the teeth have finally gone and done it- they’ve gone and eaten the bits of my brain that control headache stoppage and provide neck pain relief. It won’t be long now! The end is neeeeear!

I know, I know. Teeth aren’t meant to be messed with and infections really can get out of control… that’s why we are putting our noses to the grindstone and getting it done, as fast as humanly possible! I’ve got an appointment to get all of my crowns done on Thursday, and the other three root canals are only teeth that they’ve ‘got their eye on’, and don’t need to be fixed unless they start to bother me.

Have you ever been asked the question. “If you could change one physical thing about yourself, what would it be?” My answer to this question is always MY TEETH. If I had to pick another thing, though, it would most definitely be my lips. Chris has these soft, gooey, marshmallowy pillow lips that are so comfy to kiss- and all I have to offer in return are my thin lips that boast the suppleness of an old GARDEN HOSE, and that completely disappear when I smile. Yes. My name is Emery Jo, and I have Garden Hose lips.

So, now I’m curious… What one thing (if anything) would you change about your beautiful selves?

12 thoughts on “"Where Everybody Knows Your Name…"

  1. I have the same lips, Emery. The top one completely goes away when I smile. I also have the worst cuticles on the face of God’s green earth.Oh also? I want my left ovary back. Is that an overshare? I think it might be.:)

  2. I too would replace my teeth with ones that fit in my mouth more comfortably and don’t inadvertently force me to bite my lip on a regular basis…not fun. also, if we are over sharing here…i am definitely getting a boob reduction just as soon as they are no longer needed as a milk cafe.

  3. i would take new fingers and toes….mine just look like plump sausages!!! Love you…..miss you…..tears….=( we live way to far away from each other……i miss you encouraging words…thank you by the way!

  4. As soon as I’m done lactating, I am getting a boob job. Reduction, lift and I will finally be able to wear tee-shirts like everyone else…YAY!!

  5. I have the workings of one eye bigger than the other. I’m convinced I could hide it better with a good eye lash curler but not exactly something I remember to spend money on during my zillion trips to Target every month.

  6. Okay I’d have to go with the teeth thing. I have two root canals, and get this one on my FRONT TOOTH. If i had $1,509,0495,4095397 I would get veneers! Except, that I’ve heard stories of pretty girls with veneers having them fall off in their drinks at parties and having nub teeth the rest of the night. Not pretty. Isn’t it fantastic knowing all the dentists and their nurses by name and their brithdays and their moms names? Yeah, well I feel ya.

  7. umm id get a pair of new legs…i dont like mine much but i am soooooo thankful that they work..love ya

  8. I would get new skin, for 4 reasons. 1) My skin is “allergic” to everything, including but not limited to grass, leather, bugs, metal, some clothing, etc. 2) It’s been oily/broken out since I was 12 years old. I haven’t had smooth, pretty skin since I was 8. 3) I have about 382976 moles that fit all the signs of “suspicious”. 4) I have never tanned in my life.

  9. This definitely isn’t unique, but I would love to be one of those people who is naturally thin and can get away with wearing anything. And I’d like to not be nearsighted….Awesome blog, Emery! I hope your teeth get to feeling better soon!

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