Today, I went to WalMart to buy Ezra some sandals that will stay on his feet better than the ones he has now, and I was letting Ezra play with my keys while he sat in the shopping cart so he wouldn’t become Mr. Bored Screamy-Pants. Keys are so last week, however, so my brilliant strategy went down in flames.
(can you see where this story is headed?)
I was shopping around and digging through this box to find his shoe size and I found ONE pair way down on the bottom, so I grabbed them and started heading for the register.
Ezra: Waaaaahhh! Waaahh! waaah!!
Me: “Why does it seem like no matter WHAT shoe size I am looking for, they are always out of that ONE size?!”
I paid for them and pushed my cart over to the side by all the other carts by the door, and I grabbed my bag and I grabbed my son and I headed out to my car.
(Am I forgetting something?)
I get to my car and I am shoveling things out of my purse because I can’t….find….my…. OH CRAP!!!! crap. crap. crap. crap.
Where are my keys?!?!
I do a 180 and head back to the store, only now I am power walking and muttering things under my breath like “holey moley, holey moley, holey moley…” and I am offering up prayers of desperation like, “Please please please let my cart be there still…lord please lord please…”
I get up to the doors and woosh they open up before me only to reveal that my shopping cart is GONE. No where to be seen.
Me: whimper. whimper. panic.
Ezra: putting his finger in my ear.
So, I do what any respectable mother would do. I begin franticly running up and down isles, scanning people’s carts like a madwoman, while swatting Ezra’s attempts to TOUCH MY BRAIN through my ear hole. I could think of nothing better to do. So, I wandered. and wandered. and wandered. Every cart began to look the same. Every face began to blend. I power-walked pell mell through isles and isles of silk flowers and power tools and dairy.
Then, I saw her… She was beautiful. Instantly, I fell in love. A little old lady in a precious pink outfit, slowly pushing her cart towards the buzz of the gigantic red pharmacy sign. Nothing in her cart but her walker. And there, down by her knee, my keys helplessly dangled and swayed from the bottom of the cart… reflecting the radiant brilliance of the florecent lights above.
Suddenly I became nervous to approach her. Should I just follow her around until she’s done with the cart and then make my move? (No, no, Emery…Don’t be silly…that could be hours from now…)
But, she’ll think I’m such a dweeb! She’ll know I’m a…a…mom-brain! *gasp!*
Ezra: poke poke.
Me: swat. swat. Aww, forget this…
“Excuse me, ma’m?…”